well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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