God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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