your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
