When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
