She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
