Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
COCAINE IS GR8
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
