Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Be still, my beating vagina.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
