my mouth tastes like poor choices
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
