These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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