Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
