they need to just BURY HIM!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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