The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
