I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I will be naked everywhere
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
