so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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