He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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