Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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