The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
