I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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