I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
