I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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