oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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