I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
