i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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