2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
