Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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