He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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