Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
