So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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