She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
