Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
