i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
