Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
