The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
a search helicopter?!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
In other news, I just burned my penis
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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