I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
