you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So vagazzling was a success
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
