Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
