You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
