OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
