Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
