so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
