There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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