Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
