Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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