Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
