good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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