i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
