i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
