After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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