I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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