clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's always time for handjobs
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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