Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
