3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
